Been reading the book "Electric Kool-aid Acid Test", mostly frivolous stuff, but this made me think:
"They have made the trip now, closed the circle, all of them, and they either emerge as Superheroes, closing the door behind them and soaring through the hole in the sapling sky, or just lollygag in the loop-the-loop of the lab. Almost clear! Presque Vu! - many good heads have seen it - Paul telling the early Christians: hooking down wine for the Holy Spirit - sooner or later the Blood has got to flood into you for good - Zoroaster telling his followers: you can't keep taking Haoma water to see the names of Vohu Mano - you've got to become the flames, man - And Dr. Strange and Sub Mariner and the Incredible Hulk and the Fantastic Four and the Human Torch prank about on the Rat walls of la casa grande like stroboscopic sledgehammer Cassadys, fons et origo ::::: and it is either make this thing permanent inside of you or forever just climb draggled up into the conning tower every time for one short glimpse of the horizon ::::" - Chapter 23, Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe
Its that last line that is so haunting. "either make this thing permanent inside of you forever or just climb up into the conning tower every time for one short glimpse of the horizon." So often I feel like the latter - like someone who is constantly striving to internalize this thing that I so badly want to be a part of me, but that in reality is more like a costume...something I put on rather than something that is a part of me.
